28 8 / 2014
"These are forms of male aggression that only women see. But even when men are afforded a front seat to harassment, they don’t always have the correct vantage point for recognizing the subtlety of its operation. Four years before the murders, I was sitting in a bar in Washington, D.C. with a male friend. Another young woman was alone at the bar when an older man scooted next to her. He was aggressive, wasted, and sitting too close, but she smiled curtly at his ramblings and laughed softly at his jokes as she patiently downed her drink. ‘Why is she humoring him?’ my friend asked me. ‘You would never do that.’ I was too embarrassed to say: ‘Because he looks scary’ and ‘I do it all the time.’
Women who have experienced this can recognize that placating these men is a rational choice, a form of self-defense to protect against setting off an aggressor. But to male bystanders, it often looks like a warm welcome, and that helps to shift blame in the public eye from the harasser and onto his target, who’s failed to respond with the type of masculine bravado that men more easily recognize."
28 8 / 2014
"Controllers, abusers and manipulative people don’t question themselves. They don’t ask themselves if the question is them. They always say the problem is someone else."
27 8 / 2014
Anonymous said: do you guys know of any other blogs like this one, but that focus more on psychosis, paranoia, and derealization rather than mostly depression/anxiety?
Check out these links from our Helpful Resources page!
Like the posts here on mentalillnessmouse, posts on these other tumblrs may be triggering, so peruse and enjoy at your own risk.
27 8 / 2014
Anonymous said: I could use a second opinion. My dad is emotionally/verbally abusive, and a friend seems kind of. skeptical and defensive of him. Like she explains away behavior when I tell her in a this-really-upset-me way, and when I told her he gaslights me a lot she asked me to provide an example of him doing that. Is it just me, or is she pulling something similar? I definitely don't feel any better when I talk to her about it or anything else, and I don't really feel like she's on my side at all.
She sounds like she’s either a very toxic friend or as if she herself was going through something similar at home. It could be that the things you say your father does is abusive are happening to her, and she doesn’t see her own parent as being abusive, so she feels the need to defend such behavior. On the other hand, she might just be a rude person who isn’t taking your feelings and concerns into consideration. Either way, it’s not a great spot to be in, and I can see why this is upsetting to you.
You’ve got some options to work with though:
- Tell her how you feel. Tell her that her unsupportive behavior is distressing and uncalled for. You don’t need to “prove” your abuse to anyone, let alone someone who is supposed to be your friend.
- Stop bringing up dad stuff around her. If she’s not going to be supportive, there’s no use in continuing to bring it up around her.
- Ask your friend why she thinks this behavior is okay. Depending on how close you two are or were, you might be able to ask her if she’s going through similar struggles. In which case, you guys can support each other.
- Stop hanging out with her altogether. Eventually people who are unsympathetic and reinforce negativity take its toll on us. You’re going through enough as it is, and you don’t need your friend rooting for your dad right now.
In the meantime, here are some tips from our Helpful Resources page for dealing with abuse:Abuse
- Help Guide A site containing articles to help understand, help numbers, “tool kits”, and self help.
- Mental Support Community A forum to talk about any form of abuse and how it affected you.
- Mental Help A site that has basic information, resources, articles, and a list of books that might be helpful.
- What is emotional abuse? explores what emotional abuse is.
- Domestic abuse is a collection of a few different posts that might help.
- This is a link to help find women shelters in the USA.
- Coping with flashbacks
- Resources for survivors and loved ones
- Caring for yourself
25 8 / 2014
SO HELP ME GOD YOU LITTLE SHITS BETTER USE FAFSA.GOV TO FILL OUT YOUR FUCKING FAFSA.
IF YOU PAY $88 TO FILE YOUR FAFSA AT FAFSA.COM, I WILL SMACK THE DUMB LOOK RIGHT OFF YOUR DAMN FACES. FAFSA.COM IS NOT AFFILIATED WITH THE US DEPARTMENT OF ED. THEY ARE BAD PEOPLE WHO WILL TAKE YOUR MONEY AND CHARGE YOU TO FILL OUT A FREE FORM. A FREE FUCKING FORM. FREE IS THE FIRST WORD IN THE ACRONYM!
.GOV IS LOVE. .COM IS A PUTRID POOL OF FUCKERY.
-THE VERY ANGRY SUDDEN ADULT
25 8 / 2014
If you go 1 hour without self harm, I’m proud of you.
If you go 1 day without self harm, I’m proud of you.
If you go 1 week without self harm, I’m proud of you.
If you go 1 month without self harm, I’m proud of you.
If you go 1 year without self harm, I’m proud of you.
No matter how far you are, or how far you made it. I’m proud of you, you know why? Because you’re strong, and I know you can get through this.